This is a NGADM review!
Despite the score I gave this, I do like your song, don't take it the wrong way, it's just that I think it had more potential, as do you!
I'll be brutally honest with you here, I don't think the mix is good, on several levels. This doesn't mean it's all bad - your sound is very reminiscent of Pretty Maids (Running Out), an awesome band (and song) if you ask me! They also had their drums in the foreground to drive the song, preferring to push the heavy guitars back a bit so that the vocals could be in the front. The difference here is that your song does NOT have vocals, so it's a bit of a shame that the guitars are buried in the mix this way. Also your drum sound is very lacking, it has no depth (like Step said, the whole thing sounds very "thin"). If I were toco rely on the drums to the same extent as you did in this I would work my ass off to make them sound insanely good. Beef them up with a bit of white-noise "a la 80's" and a tight but wide reverb and it would be awesome. Instead I'm greeted with the metal kit from Superior Drummer or something... You did get an extra point for some really good guitar playing though.
You have quite a few good riffs in this, nice work! The rhythm and melody sections complimented each other well too, a sign of a good song writer. Sadly there are quite a few things that let this down, namely the last third of the song. The clean section drops in at the end with no warning... Silence... Build up to metal outro... manic drums. It really didn't make sense to me. I also found some things a little repetitive, such as the repeated guitar runs at 2:24 onwards.
Overall I did enjoy the track and I think you have a lot you can do with it, so don't feel put out by my less than stellar review, use this as a platform to grow and come back with a vengeance next time! I'll be rooting for you!