IF VIDEOGAMES WERE CHAIRS: Pokèmon
By: Druox (idea credited to Shippiddge too we thought of this together)
Kid: OH MY GOD, MOM!
Kid: I NEED THIS CHAIR, MOM
Mom: But you already have the Hoenn Chair.
Kid: NO MOM this one’s the OMEGA Hoenn chair.
Mom: excuse me?
Kid: Yeah! It’s the new OMEGA Hoenn Chair.
Mom: it looks EXACTLY the same!
Kid: No! Mom, listen, this one’s new! Look, it has so many features that the old Hoenn chair lacked! It reclines an additional TWO clicks back! It has a cupholder on ONE of the arm rests, and the other one opens up to reveal a compartment. It’s big enough for a loaf of bread! I WANT TO HAVE BREAD IN MY CHAIR, MOM.
Mom: But it looks EXACTLY THE SAME! The extra features don’t even add to its comfort! They’re just gimmicks, useless gimmicks! You buy these chairs to SIT in them! Remember?
Kid: But it’s good that it’s the same way mom! That way I know it’s gonna be comfy, like the old one.
Mom: But the old one is still comfy. This chair wouldn’t expand your experience of sitting in it at all in any way except that you’d have some bells and whistles attached to it that you will get bored of. And I’m not gonna deal with the 10 year old bread that you forget you put inside the arm rest. Can you imagine the BUGs that would produce!?
Kid: BUT THEY PUT IT ON A LAZY SUSAN AND IT SPINS, MOM!
Mom: Oh, come on.
Kid: MOM IT SPINS!
Mom: The Kalos chair has WHEELS ON IT! You can spin on that one!
Kid: But I can’t spin in place, it’s always floating around all over the gigantic room it’s in.
Mom: HOW IS THAT WORSE THAN SPINNING IN PLACE IN A SMALLER ROOM!?
Kid: Because this chair’s gonna be comfier than the Kalos chair, mom! I know it will be because the old one was and-
Mom: I know, I know it’s made the same way, whatever you can have it.
Kid: AAAAHHH FUCK