Hey, y'know how I sometimes say that the drums or some other part's positioning sounds robotic?
Not this time, it's all good now.
The beginning from 0:12 to 0:40 or so does sound a bit quiet, I didn't notice the snare being too loud though.
For me it suffers from something I've mentioned on previous songs, the level of "interestingness" (for lack of a better word) is about the same all the way through. That is, while everything you're doing is pretty interesting, nothing is interesting or different enough to make me go "Whoa that was cool!". As an example the part that I mentioned on the Game Center remix at around 0:50 sounded really cool to me when I first heard it.
Overall I'd say you're making great progress, hearing the Game Center remix and this one after the other, I thought to myself "Ah, he's getting quite good at this now!" Keep having fun!
Also, suing you would be too much work so I won't bother.