The beginning was kind of slow but then it had a good beat to it. The song and it's concept are good. What is hurting you is the volume levels, like the drums... a little too loud in my opinion.
Also i think that some of the instrument choices in there weren't the best. Like the bass for exemple, i would have gone for something different with the bass sample, but i guess it's all a matter of taste really.
The sound effects were nice and the melody too. Good work on this song.