This piece wasn't very good. The rhythms were off, some of the notes clashed, tempo was off. The piece has that beginner sound to it.
That said, I think you have a lot of great musical ideas, and may be able to develop into an astounding composer. Your music had all of the right elements a piece needs, you simply need to master the software your using.
Send me a PM if your interested in getting some musical guidance by me. I'm extremely busy, but there is something about you I really like, and would be willing to take some time to help you improve.
What sequencer and samples are you using?
(I'm going to go 5 all of your stuff, it would be great to see you to get more feedback from some more musicians)