Hello Mr OMN, thanks for uploading!
I'll start with the negative aspects. As you're just beginning, the most useful thing is being able to be aware of what's good and what's not for yourself (as subjective as that is) ^ ^
So, the timing off this song is very muddled. For example, if you had started the drums at 0:09 instead, it would have fit the composition better. This is because you're composing in the time signature 4/4 which is 4 beats in 4 measures. This means that usually, changes are made in fourths of a beat. (8 beats pass from 0 seconds to 9 seconds, so that's usually when the drums would come in.) Instead, 10 beats pass and then the drums come in which is very strange to me.
The tempo (speed) of your song means that each beat matches one second perfectly. That makes it very easy to keep to 4/4! :) try keeping to that time and see how it works out.
I've noticed that in this and other tracks, there is a lot of repetitiveness. You do have some interesting melodies here and there. Knowing when to place them in the composition effectively will make them shine more. It almost sounds like you've created lots of random melodies and riffs and just pasted them in random places if you know what I mean. The structure and rhythm of a song is just as important as the melodies and the actual sound.
The ending is very abrupt which in this case isn't a positive. ^ ^
You do seem to have an ear for good melodies and interesting parts, I think your next task is to just place them in a more ordered way so it doesn't sound like you're just throwing things here and there. I'm not very good at explaining things, however I hope I somehow helped. I'll be listening to your future tracks. Keep improving! :)
That was actually quite good advice, I need all the help I can get and I'll try to use this as much as I can. Thanks.