Nice piece! I really loved the athmosphere you have created on from the beginning. Maybe the flute part in the beginning could have become a little bit more versatile and i think you needed a better choir vst (this one sounds a little bit unrealistic). But after that passage the piano part and this tuned percussion combined with the glockenspiel sounds really good. One thing which could improve your stuff a lot: Dont use the strings like pads. Make them more vivid tweaking the velocities, use more divisi and bring in some more movement.
The passage at 4:00 and its introduction sound really great - the choir you are using - is it symphonic choirs? If so then ignore my issue from above and just use the wordbuilder function, three mic positions and dark abbey reverb and it will increase the realism of the choir part at the beginning a lit.
Overall very entertaining with a lot of potential. Keep it on!