The melody in this in fantastic, but the percussion track in no way does it justice.
Your kicks are WAY too staggered. For a song like this, you'll want to employ a steady stream of kicks on the fourths, as they help drive the song. The patterns here work better as fills or something during the middle 8 of the song.
I understand that you love to employ crescendo, but the rising action needs to fall and ride at some point.
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.