Omg this is SHIT! But not only this. All things you've done are the most shitty crap i've ever seen. You need some practice - that's right. But you need it BEFORE submitting your ideas on the internet. Look at yourself more critically. As for your guitar skills - one word: LMAO. But that's all right if you play no more than month or two. Anyway, keep on practicing! ;) Oh, and experiment a bit with Fruity Loops.