Sweet

NGAP 10TH ANNIVERSARY CONTEST REVIEW

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What I've always liked about your work is that even if you may not have access to the best software and hardware out there, your exceptional compositional skills often overshadow that.

This is perhaps one of the most creative covers from the whole competition. It sounds like more than just a cover, but almost as if the original was a flower and you turned it into a damned garden. Despite that, you still keep it sounding wonderfully delicate and reminiscent of a lullaby. Your new instrumentation and new piano accompaniment works so well, and even if some aspects of it are very typical for this genre (piano, strings and vocals? Like I haven't heard that before), you still give it some uniqueness with the mallets (which had a very well-timed transition at 1:34). And the singing! Finally, you got a microphone! And the exact same model I have too. That, and your singing is very solid. So are your lyrics (love how you used the title of the original in them).

Now, this song isn't perfect. It's excellent for what it is but there are a few small flaws. The recording is pretty good but since the Samson GoMic is made for portability and stuff like voice chats rather than to record singing, your voice still doesn't sound as full-bodied as it should sound. Like I said above, your singing is awesome, but it's a bit iffy in the higher register at some points. I would've loved to hear some vocal harmonies too, to maybe make up for the fact that the microphone isn't picking up all the frequencies of your voice properly, and more importantly because vocal harmonies are awesome.

To be frank, all I'm mentioning are tiny little shortcomings here and there. You've succeeded in taking the original, interpreting it creatively and fittingly, and ending up with a beautiful and well-structured track that deserves high marks from me!

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SCORE: 9/10

Hello.

The Good:
-Very well-played piano.
-I really really like those mallet instruments you used.
-Aw, you wrote lyrics to the lullaby? How nice. ^_^
-Transitions and ending are good - and you know how crazy I am about that.
-Your mixing has improved drastically. I can hear everything in the mix here clearly.

The Not-So-Good:
-Your voice seems set really far back in the mix. Not sure if that's intentional or not, but it's there.
-Would be nice if you used better instruments. They are currently holding you back the most.

Overall: Score of 10/10. I really am impressed by how much you've improved over time. Also, this cover is VERY well-done, it takes the piece and truly makes it your own. I would not have know that it was a remix if I weren't judging based on remixes (well, and if I didn't read).

My instrumentation guesses:
-Piano (duh).
-Cymbal roll (duh).
-Not just strings, but I'm guessing cello at the beginning and possibly a double bass for a deep bass sound throughout.
-Either xylophone (a real one, not the kiddie xylo) or marimba, I'm leaning a bit more toward xylophone because of the higher pitch. Marimbas generally have more bass.
-Vocals (also duh).
-Some violas or violins towards the middle.
-Glockenspiel soundfont, because there's no way that's a real glock - it doesn't sound like it except on the highest notes.

This is a really beautiful version of the original, the piano in particular. Adding your own vocals is a great way to make it your own, and apart from a few off notes and the thin recording it sounds fine. You've changed the time signature and done major changes to the melody as well, but the chords and the general melodic quality is still there, so the original is still recognizable.

Permit me to preface this with a general 'well done'. I very strongly liked the Instrumentation on this, and the Vocals match it well enough.

General Comments on the Lyrics are Numbered; those marked with an Asterisks are Things I think you've done well, others are Questions and Suggestions.

The night is here
And stars begin to shine
And the moon sheds its beams(1) upon you
Close your eyes
And drift away to skies (2)
Where the clouds prepare(3) a way for you

And there are angels reaching out to you with joy
As(4) they kiss your face beneath the moonlight
And they smile, for they(5) know you have a place inside their hearts
Now and evermore(*1)

The night is here
And stars begin to shine
And the moon sheds its beams upon you
Come away
To oceans wide and free
Where the wind will guide you on your way(*2)

You will dance on a sea of stars beyond your wildest dreams(*3)
You will fly with(6) wings made just for you
You will ride the(7) winds that lead you eastward, to the dawn
And there, I'll(8) wait for you.(*4)

Until then, may the angels ever guard you through the night
Until then, may the saints keep watch o'er you
Until then, may the moon enfold you with its heav'nly light(*5)
So sleep, wrapped in love.(*6)

1. Why 'Beams'? It strikes me as a rather odd Choice of Words.
2. The abrupt Rhyme here in a Work whose Structure does not depend on it is a little jarring and feels a little contrived alongside the otherwise more usual Syntax; you might consider something more like 'And drift up to the sky'.
3. Your Vocabulary is generally very simple and based in Old Englsh, this Latinate Word feels a little odd here (though 'prepare' is nowise uncommon, I acknowledge); perhaps 'open' or something similar might do better.
4. This might be better as 'and'.
5. Perhaps 'you' would be better than 'they'.
6. Perhaps 'on' would be better than 'with'.
7. You could use 'on' again here if replacing 'with' in the earlier Line and repeating the Construction strikes your Fancy.
8. Perhaps simply 'I' would do better.

*1. This is a very nice, Lullaby-like Image.
*2. This Line alliterates nicely.
*3. Nice non-humourous Wordplay.
*4. This makes me think of something I imagine your Mother might say.
*5. Perhaps my favourite Part, this reminds me of this old Irish Prayer:

'May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand.'

Is it a Coincidence, or deliberate?

*6. A very nice, unintrusive Use of the Title which meshes very well with the Lyrics.

This is all for now; I hope it isn't too severe. I'm not normally terribly good at leaving Commentary.