It was all in all a very well done piece. It was very clearly stated; specific about what was being said and where.
I feel you have a leg-up in this competition over a lot of people, so good luck in that.
Now, you were very specific in your description about the story that goes along with this. So if it was your intention not to dilute the imagination of the listener, I think that backfired because of the very detailed time-stamp you have there. It's like an MMO, say, WoW, which puts you into a world, tells you what's going on and where, but in the end is a theme park game where you're on a set path, instead of a sandbox game where you can do just about whatever you please.
So you might want to consider nixing the time-stamped description, or making it even more generalized.
Sincerely, I did enjoy this piece. It was exciting at times, and the variety of instruments used and the specific times they were used at made this what it is. You achieved your goal to a certain extent. So in that, very well done (and be proud)!
This section here is why I say you met your goal to a "certain extent":
2:38 ==> Dawn of Technology
3:18 ==> Inventing New Realities
At the beginning of Dawn of Technology, there isn't much of a dawn. The bagpipe enters, and we get a nice headbobbing rhythm, but our new-age sounds don't enter until after you say this section is over.
There are some great examples of music that use the industrial age of man literally. Hammers banging, machines turning, screws being spun in - all of these things can be used rhythmically, and even melodically if you're careful, to represent an amazing sound of technology that the audience can really connect with. Personally I think this section would be all about the rhythm of, say, working on an assembly line for machine parts. That rhythm of workers monotony moving the industry along.
Lastly, "Deep into the void" comes along, and that ambient sound you have is a great finish for the song.
On a side note, since no one in humanity has ever experienced this (and lived or returned to tell about it), this is solely subjective input.
I think if I were being launched into space, or envisioning being a particle of two colliding and making a miniature black hole (Large Hadron Collider), or even dying and traveling off to where ever it is we go, there would be more awe involved.
Much more sense of being dumbstruck with excitement, adrenaline, perhaps even a sense of fear. I wouldn't imagine it as an ambient flowing sound unless you take being in a space suit out for a space walk literally. If that's what you meant to do, great job! If not, I think the final section could use some revisiting.
Wow, this is a large review. Incredibly detailed and surprisingly not very technical. I'll respond to it section-by-section, I guess.
"It was all in all a very well done piece"
"if it was your intention not to dilute the imagination of the listener, I think that backfired because of the very detailed time-stamp you have there."
Hm, I think I'll have to disagree with you there - while they certainly do give some hoops for the stories to go through, they are by no means constricting... besides, people don't necessarily have to follow them. It's music - anyone can interpret it however they want to.
"very well done (and be proud)!"
Thanks again! I certainly am, if only because I feel I really nailed the mixing on this.
"At the beginning of Dawn of Technology, there isn't much of a dawn."
Ah, I should probably explain that - it's more the "rising up" at that point, focusing more on the dawn than technology. Toward the end the technology part comes in, as you noticed.
"That rhythm of workers monotony moving the industry along."
I'm sorry, this was more of a personal thing for me - I REALLY dislike monotonous, repetitive music. Since that seems to be what you're suggesting to depict the modern age, I have to disagree wholeheartedly. Besides which, the modern age is also about discovery and invention, hence a few of the things such as the arpeggio effects at 3:45 and 3:53.
"this is solely subjective input."
I'd like to note something here - Since this is a subjective topic, it is necessarily my interpretation of it. I chose to interpret it this way. Other people may choose to interpret it another way. Funnily enough, I did have some inspiration from the Large Hadron Collider in the "Preparing for Launch" section - that's actually why the "LHC" is also there.
I find space to be a peaceful place, overall. Even with the technical speeds that everything is going at, it's actually really slow compared to the speeds. Also, there are several accounts of people who have been to space that are about how viewing the universe from there, seeing the earth from there, has been an extremely philosophical and calming experience.
Thanks for your review overall, it gives me a perspective that other people haven't said.
I would ask though, since you only gave it 3.5/5, I'd love to know more about why than "I didn't like how you titled the sections" (since that is essentially what all the negative points are about) - I'd assume there are some more technical reasons you didn't like it, and I'd love to hear those as well.
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.