I can tell you definitely tried here, but it also sounds quite rushed. As a result, the vocals don't exactly mesh right. Anyways, I'll listen to the new version now to see what improved...
There is both good and bad here, in roughly equal Amounts; let us go by Section.
The Introduction has some rather interesting Vocals, though they are not the best, and, as has been mentioned elsewhere, the Water is overpowering; I am not, personally, overfond of Water in Music, and prefer to hear Water evoked by Instruments rather than the Sound of Water itself, if that makes any Sense.
At the Pickup around 0:30, the Vocals are not Bad, though the Water is rather distracting, and clearer enunciation (and perhaps a Transcript) might have been nice.
When the Drumming begins around 1:25, the Effect is not bad, though it is muffled by the continued Water, which seems to be my general Issue with this Song.
Around 2:00, it sounds as though there is about to be a Buildup and Release, but instead there's only more Drumming drowned out by Water, which is both uninteresting and, frankly, disappointing.
The Vocals and then Buildup around 2:45 begin where this Song truly begins to Shine. This Section is the most worthwhile Part of this Composition; it is quite engrossing, and the Vocals are clearest here. I think the complaint about them being in French, which you speak (and which I do as well), quite ridiculous. I cannot say I love the Shift away from this Section which happens around 4:00 and lasts to about 4:25, but the Return to it caused me to forget that little disagreement. I also like how you have sung multiple Parts to this yourself.
The Ending is not poor, but I think it could certainly be stronger, and then there is this big empty Section towards the End, which I hope is not deliberate. While mistakes are pardonable, and I have not considered that terribly strongly in my Analysis, it can look a little unprofessional.
Though I believe Sections of this need to be reworked, I do see some potential here, though I am uncertain as to whether I ought to advise reworking the Song as a Whole, or splitting it into perhaps two or three and elaborating. From your other Comments, I gather that you really did have a grand Vision for this, which was not wholly realised owing to Time Constraints, which makes me further certain that something excellent could be produced were this to be reworked. I read somewhere that it is a very difficult Thing, reproducing, perhaps translating, what is in one's own Mind to an artistic Medium; we see and feel Cathedrals of Fire (that was the Analogy used, and it was a nice one in an otherwise dull Book), but the Task of reproducing them is, perhaps, more difficult than rendering English to French or French to English. Though you might do well to step away from this a few Days or Weeks, return to it, and see what it can be.
You improved the sound quality by a lot in this, the vocals sound mostly acceptable mix is relatively balanced. The Instruments sound much fuller than in your previous songs. The sine wave synth adds a lot to the intro. The water sfx is good, but really overpowering when it's present. So I enjoyed the first minute or so, but things seemed to start falling apart after 2 minutes. Going acapella for a few moments gives it a nice rock-opera-ish feel, but that's greatly diminished by the vocals being off tune and distorted at that very critical moment. The second half gets old and tiring very quickly, due to a combination of lack of variation and the piercing, muddy and top-heavy mix.
NGADM 4 and stuff.
Yes... I went hardcore Simon Cowell on this one, and I'll tell you why, because it wouldn't be fair not to.
The idea behind this was really good... but you most definitely bit off more than you can chew, mixing was a mess, vocals were way too loose and extremely sloppy, wobbly, and you were trying to pull off things that I quite honestly don't think you're capable of doing properly at your current level.
Unfortunately, I can't say too much about the music because the focus of this song was very clearly on the vocals, the music wasn't much more than background noise to what you were trying to achieve with the vocals. And as harsh as it is, it was a huge flop for me, while they weren't over processed as they were in your previous submissions, the execution was severely lacking, sometimes they were too quiet, sometimes they were too loud, they went off pitch and while the more active sections sounded like they could be truly epic, your execution made me think of a bunch of babies wailing into a microphone in an attempt to imitate something of an indian styled acapella chorus.
While I've no doubt you put a lot of effort, heart and soul into this, there are times when you should step back and try working a little closer to your comfort zone. Here, it sounded like you jumped out of your comfort zone and booked it without looking back... which is commendable, but it's certainly not something that you should expect great results on. Being ambitious is good, but you have to keep up with your own ambitions to bring them into reality as something great.
No, BFP. I thank you for being honest with this review.
But if I were to perpetually stay in my comfort zone, I would never find things that I could improve on. Once I painfully stretch the limits, I would soon know how to flesh them out. I knew that Mio/Homura was daring in every sense of the word, and I have no regrets.
Amazing composition, imaginative, emotional, complex but singing need some correction (especially when creating a choir where any small imperfection tends to stand out) and in some places sounds overcompressed.
Well, your mixing skills improved lately but to deliver such a good song you have to match them to your composing skills ;)
The reply to this review comes in October 2013.
Well, Sorohanro... I think you can safely call me the one who made Terre des Hommes Libres, a piece of equal magnitude to this, just MONTHS after Mio/Homura was released. I warn you not to underestimate me any longer.
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.