This song needs some work. It seems very out of sync. I can hear some of the ideas that you put into the song, which are very good, but they could be executed a little better. Did you record this? or was it done in a DAW? I think this song would be really great if it had a better structure and was cleaned up much more. Try and fix that stuff up and you will be set I think.
Thanks for your review. I will work on the structure some more. I used both recording and DAW.