I thought the song was cool. Good melodies, a good sense of progression and flow.
However, I have a criticism. The problem is the mixing. The drums are cool, they sound good, but they don't blend with the rest of the song. The only serious source of bass in the whole track is coming from the kick drum. And the electric guitar has a big mid section scooped out of it.
So the song is cool, but it's just a bit difficult to listen to because of the quality of the mix. It's as if it were a sketch: I can hear what you're getting at, but it isn't the same as the song itself should be.
Here's my advice:
Short term solution: Turn the drums down, so they fit better into the mix. Especially cut the bass of the kick. It won't have as much punch, but it will bring the amount of the punch coming from the kick down to the level of the rest of the track, so the rest of the track won't sound wimpy by comparison.
Long term solution:
1. Choose a similar, good heavy metal song to compare to and listen back and forth, and just try different techniques to beef up the sound so it's closer to the comparison track. In particular, equalization, messing around with volume levels.
2. Perhaps try a different guitar sound, because the guitar sounds really sampled. The sample you have chosen is really 'beefy', but it loses it's impact through so much use. Or you could even convince a real guitar player to play/record it for you.
(3) If you're going for a video gamey semi-sampled sort of sound, what I said still stands, but you will just have to incorporate that, too. If you want a sampled sound, make it deliberate, not accidental. You might have to take the time to play with the sampled sound artifacts vs real sounds, and strike a balance.
Anyway, this is a cool song and it's something that i would like to listen to properly. Those little melodies at 1:14 are really passionate and striving but sweet and innocent at the same time, which kind of tug at my heart. The ambientish drop at 0:19 is really colourful and interesting and sort of haunting in a heavy way.
But you need to take care of the mix before I can listen to it like a real piece of music. It doesn't have to be perfect, but, you know the 80/20 rule? 80% of the gain is made by 20% of the effort.
I hope this helps and isn't discouraging. I wouldn't take all the time to write this if I didn't think you already had something good to start with, and the potential to make it even better.
Here is a mystical quote to ponder over:
âEUoeThe seed of your next art work lies embedded in the imperfections of your current piece.âEU ~David Bayles