Here is your personal review for your round 1 submission! Remember that the score might be a little lower than I would normally give, I'm being a tad harsher than I'd normally be for the NGADM.
-Very nice mixing.
-I particularly liked some of the harmonies you used, very jazzy.
-The little trills on your mallet instruments were very cute and certainly helped to add to the atmosphere.
-There is a full story in your song, and you managed to bring it back to the beginning. Nice compositional form!
-For such a long song, you kept it from being repetitive (mostly) and managed to keep my interest throughout.
-I love the harp glissandos you have going off the end of some phrases in the beginning.
-Lovely piano arpeggio at 2:01-2:03.
-First, the awkward melodies. Some appear to be meandering, or feel as if they "got lost", then quickly scrambled to get back to normal. The main spot I noticed this was at 0:26-40. In the first of those phrases, it seems as if the sole reason it redid a bit of the melody was to allow for the other solo at 0:29-0:31. This applies in the end section where it does the same thing.
-Second, the big issue. Repetition. The beginning and end sections are perfectly fine here. However, from 1:10 to 1:49, there is no change in melody at all. I know that you're adding instruments in the background, but that is a common problem of trance/dance music. There needs to be more variation. One possible thing is having the top note go up a half-step every once in a while rather than simply playing one note rhythmically. This can also increase the tension.
-The other area where repetition is a problem is from around 2:34-4:10. There is essentially only one melody, albeit with good chords behind it. But as I said, the problem is repetition - however good a 13-second melody (and chord sequence) is, it will get boring if played over and over for about a minute and half without any variation other than introducing/taking out instruments.
-There are a few tiny issues with the cymbals at around 4:19-4:32. Seems as if it's a mixing error - they are making the 'shivering' sound that can happen in mixing.
-Alright, I only have one last thing to poke at, and that is the outro. While the rising thirds sound really great as a buildup, the actual end is very sudden and sounds quite a bit different in style from the buildup right before it.
Overall: It's good, with some compositional problems. Unfortunately, the main issue (repetition) fills up roughly half the song, not using the conservative "this is when it becomes clear" times in the section I had pointed it out in. The positives of the song do, fortunately, keep the score up there. As a result, the final score I'll give for this is 7.6/10.