First of all, you've got a good concept. I really enjoy the lead part in the song, but it was just too loud and I could barely hear the drum part. Second, it's a little bit repetitive. I'm not too much of a fan for songs that repeat over again, not that this is one of them. And finally, the ending is a bit sudden. One way to make a good ending is to kind of drag it out a little bit, or add something to tie the song together, like an ending arpeggio or a chord.
All in all, this song isn't bad, but there's a few things I'd like to see improved. I hope you'll take these ideas into consideration. I expect great things from you.