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A Sprawling Inky Morass

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Hey,
A nice PM i got from someone here on NG gave me an ego boost and reminded me how much i enjoy writing and recording poems. So in spare moments i jotted down lines that came to my head before today sitting down and fleshing them out into this poem. I really did have the dream described.
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Words:
Every leaf i ever saw
Has fallen brown on to the floor
Has drifted down all red and raw
All burned and crisp from summers raw
fell every leaf i ever saw.

So now each step i dare to take
Rustles leaves, I hear them make
Their crunching noise as amber flakes
Are crushed beneath my feet I break
and crumple bones. They ache
and moan
in crackling tones
with each step i take
While trudging home
On leafy pavements
and bracken roadside roams.
-

-
And just last night i had this dream
So dark it was that nought was seen
So deeply black it did transpire
Sprawling inky morass this tar like mire
of a chimera engulfed my mind.
Diabolic music throbbed as i walked blind
Towards what felt an unearthly place of fulsome fright.

In my dream i saw nothing,
I heard the music and the barbarous singing
but beyond that it was thick and black
and all other details my vision lacked.
Despite this lack of corporeal threats
I felt a dread i'll ne'er forget
The point which i walked towards begot
an awful sense that all was rot.

I strongly felt that to reach that place
Would cause me to realize that beyond the face
Of my current existence there was so much more
So much stuff potent myserious and raw.
That to know it would make all that i knew now nothing more than thoughtless fancy. All foolish fantasy.
The dread i felt was a fear of coming to know that all i loved was melting snow. All a petty show.
So in my dream i tried to halt and grasped at darkness straining to slow my self. But a shadow myself
I could not stop nor hinder my degenerate descent into the truth of their being more. A horrible door.
A horrible hole found in the world that leaks its secret of other places beyond. An infinite pond.
An infinite swamp of things i've never thought and
ideas i can't imagine and
truths i can't take in and
moments i can't manifest in mind and
edifying edifices i can't extricate from eternity and
appalling apparitions all averse to attainability undermining my understanding and attacking my axioms and
all at once i awoke.

The rain pitter-pattering on the window pain.
I was clammy with sweat
and a strange regret
of not reaching the truth of it all being in vain.

Because i still verdantly believed the leaves could grow green and ambivently deceived i escaped my ardent dream.
I heard outside in the wet up in tree a damp bird caw
It cried "Every leaf i ever saw now lies rotting on the floor".
It cried "*mckaw* *mckaw* every leaf i ever saw".
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Hope you folks like it and remember i'm always grateful for reviews and critique.
Thanks!

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I very much liked the message conveyed, the structure in which it was done so, and the voice work, but as for the diction, I felt there could have been better wording in line 4 of stanza 5,
as well as lines 4 and 5 of stanza 4. Great wordplay otherwise.
Also, I don't think "ambivently" is a word.
I'm not much of a poet, so here is something someone else scribbled:

"Death most resembles a prophet who is without honor in his own land or a poet who is a stranger among his people."

PIED3 responds:

Ah yes, i meant "ambivalently" which is the adverb form of ambivalent. And you're right about those lines, "stuff" wasn't a good word to use but i was struggling to convey the vision without losing it's subtlety and didn't want to explicitly state any objects. Thanks for the helpful review, kind words, and interesting quote.

Credits & Info

PIED3
Author

Listens
1,382
Faves:
1
Downloads
37
Score
Waiting for 4 more votes

Uploaded
Jun 23, 2012
1:05 PM EDT
Genre
Spoken Word
File Info
Voice
2.4 MB
2 min 40 sec

Licensing Terms

Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.