I really like what you're doing here!
I'd say if you chop up the vocals or glitch them at points and focus more on the synth melody, this song would be freaking amazing. I'd listen to it every day lol.
This is really great though and I can't wait to see what you do with it!
the first half of the song is some kind of...monologue? not good. either add more music or cut down on the monologue. i'll give it a three because its a wip and the music half is nice.