The melody's not bad but there's a lot you need to learn about mixing. The kick does not have any high frequencies hence the dull sound. The instruments kind of drown into each other and could use some individual EQuing. Also I can't hear any bass in it.
I know, I'm at the very beginning, but I'll try to improve the weak parts. I'll add a bass line too.
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.