Your build up needs work. Barely any suspense is built before the chorus. There needs to be a distinct change up between your intro and build up. You should really give filters, reverb and delay a go, as these effects are great for creating exciting atmospheres.
Your chorus seems to be detached from the rest of the track. The first part of the track just kind of, goes off the rails and is caught back by the chorus. There is no real difference in energy between the chorus and the rest of the track. A chorus needs loads of energy! It is the centrepiece of any song. Go hard on the bass, sidechain heavily and fill out the high end and spread (use stereo enhancers).
All constructive criticism aside, I like the tune you have. Structure seems fair and everything has an "order". You just need to improve your technical side a little bit :)