Not bad man, the lyrics are there, your delivery needs work and that only comes with practice, listen to my older songs and then listen to my newer ones and that a blatant truth, other than that your song is on point. Beat isn't bad, your voice is ok, and the reason I say its ok is because it feels like its lacking confidence in what your saying.
When I first noticed the lack of confidence in my voice I would send my raw input to an effects chain and throw a reverb and a compressor on it to boost the volume and give it pressence so when I hear myself when im recording I sounded better and it would help me rap with confidence in what I was saying.
As for the delivery I cant really explain how to improve on that, its just something you have to learn on yourself while spitting in sync with the instrumental.
Well I hope that helped a little bro, keep on practicing and I wish you the best of luck.
5.00 and 4,
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.