I'd remove everything before 0:40, the intro really doesn't set up the listener well for the rest of the song. Apart from that, I like the percussion. It's really funky and adds atmosphere. The synth introduced about 1/3 of the way through is chill, relaxing and calm. Good job on that.
Next step to improve: Spend some time on the transitions between different segments on the song, the audience can sometimes notice the change too late and are caught by surprise. Although this can be good, use more common techniques to move from one part to the other. That way, the listener is prepared for another section, therefore the change isn't as dramatic and will comfort the listener to some extent.
If i post some pointers on every song, will that help? I want to make you realize where you could improve :)
Before this review is over, i'd like you to listen to my latest piece (Sine Heaven) and compare it with the previous songs. You'll see what i'm referring to when i blab on about transitions and whatnot :)
P.S. The song is still good, thought i'd let you know that i like it...
Yeah, the whole intro is how the song started, and then I got off track, so I should have ditched it. I did like the synth melody you spoke of- that was what kept me on for posting. :)
You were very generous with your review. :) thanks!
I will work on your pointers. :)
Interesting work here. the first 10 secs or so is hard to listen to, as in makes ears bleed, but not a bad tune
Alright, I'm on it. I will probably remove that whole segment.