-Okay, this is a pretty catchy tune coming in at about 0:09.
-The deep bass element coming in at 0:14 is pretty darn sweet.
-Drumline is pretty darn awesome, too bad the tune goes away then.
-You definitely knew when you didn't have enough material to continue it and stopped it there.
-I like the chopped pad thing that comes in with the first break.
-The harpsichord-type instrument plays some really nice arpeggios and chords.
-The deep bass during the drumset is just way too much. It pushes everything waaaaay back in the mix. The drumset itself might also be a culprit, but the deep bass also causes some mixing issues between the drum breaks. Try some more EQing and compression until the elements are more balanced.
-It's a bit short, I'd have liked it to be longer, even for a video game. :<
-If it's this short and you decide to have it loop... Make sure it loops properly! As it is, it loops in a way that's just "oh, this is definitely the beginning". The best loops sound like the song just continues without looping.
Overall: Pretty nice ideas, I like the instruments and composition for the most part - but the mixing REALLY kills this. Otherwise I'd have probably given it a 4/5. Good effort though, with just a little more effort in the mixing it'd be a piece I'd definitely want in a game!