That opening beat was pretty good. Annnd... that's about it. I wish you had done something more with it. Thrown in some real melodies with it. Really, it was an excellent start. I was excited. Then you didn't go anywhere with it, and that's disappointing. Consider taking that first 5 seconds, maybe even follow the general form of what you have (i.e., the rises and falls) and using that as a basis for a real song.