Well, talk about punk - this reminds of stagnant electronica. I voted 4, because if this is ur first try then well it was pretty good. Alot of people think trance is just another genre that sounds exactly like techno - its really not - after listening to a couple thousand trance pieces you learn what trance is super fast.
First off - instead a skipping kick , try a constant thud or boom " boom","boom",boom" u know like progressive trance. You pretty much got the bass down, but try and mix up the melody. Also with trance u want to use sweep - the white sounds that go " swoooooooosh" - those make for dramatic entrys, and exits.
I myself have a perfect example of that on one of my pieces ( previews ), but of course I only have 1 trance piece so far - ( I have others just not uploaded )
Hope that helps - not trying to sound too bossy.
I do listen to a ton of trance, and I agree. This is not really trance. It's just that NG does not have a genre for whatever this is better classified as. If there is a genre this would fit better that NG has, I'll be sure to change it. And don't worry, I have an actual trance song as you described in the works, just don't know where to go with it. Thanks a ton for the comment though!