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The sad girl

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Author Comments

Sorry if this isn't the correct section for it but it's the closest one that I thought was appropriate.
Like I said in the description, this is just some random monologue idea out of tons of others I write that I decided to actually turn into a recorded one. It isn't really much (you can tell from the background noise how basic my recording tool was) but I still hope that you liked it.

Words of the monologue (note that the recording is slightly different here and there as I "improved" it on the go):

I met this girl once, she told me she was happy, and why shouldn't she be?
She's smiling, laughing and being herself
But I looked in her eyes, for just a moment. And I saw it, it was only a glimpse, but enough to see what she truly felt. I saw her misery and disappointment; I saw how painful it was for her. She had the pained look of one whose true love isn't giving her some love too. I wanted to help her with it, to help with that pain. After all she helped me with things. She helped me get over my dislike of hugs, showed me how to return... a Heart. No matter how hard it was she still stubbornly insisted and helped. Yet when I told her my intention, she only gave a sad smile and said "No, you don't understand how love works, don't try to help what cannot be helped." I paused, knowing she was right, even though I'm 16, I didn't even feel a little of it, all I have is what people told me about that thing, love. I reluctantly stopped trying; knowing then that it'll do no good to try. I only looked at her eyes, her brown, sad eyes. And did the one thing I knew might comfort her about it. I gave her a hug and said. "Don't worry, I'm sure he'll return your love eventually" She returned the hug, just stronger, as if my hug meant anything, and said back to me "I hope he will..." then, she walked away. Whispering "thank you" as she walked out...



"I met this girl once" is an awful start to anything. Very cliched and puts the whole piece in a trite frame. I was glad when it didn't turn out too bad, it moved and had tone. The concept of the girl who looks happy but is really sad is over done, but the first person character was interesting and he had depth that held the piece together. I liked the line "just stronger, as if my hug meant anything", and there were other enjoyable moments. I think a nice twist at the end might have been her saying "i hope you will", but perhaps that was what you were implying? Was the boy failing to return her love really the protaganist? If not i think that'd have been a nice twist. Your voice is quite nice, and the reading seemed natural enough because of the errors/stutters, though you should probably try and iron those out. In all it was pretty enjoyable.
p.s Yes it is in the wrong section, you should put it in "Spoken Word".

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SwiftAdept responds:

Thanks for the critique. Like I said in the description, it's one of many that come up for me every week. Also the reason for the errors/stutters is that I kind of have a bad case of a virus that makes me cough a lot. So I was struggling with holding it in.

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Credits & Info


3.00 / 5.00

Jan 28, 2012
4:52 PM EST
Spoken Word
File Info
3.5 MB
1 min 32 sec

Licensing Terms

Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.