I say if you ever want to get past just people on NG liking your stuff, you gotta get out of your head when you write. I can tell that you are still trying to think of the most mutilsyllabic version of every line you write down, and you're trying to fit every syllable perfectly on the 16th note it belongs on. But when you're writing about love, I believe that less is more. Take time to pause between thoughts and don't focus so much on being "witty."
It's the difference between a battle rap and a song. I view this as a battle rap about love, someone trying to intellectually explain every detail of it instead of trusting the audience to fill in the holes. Trusting fans to like it if it isn't so chock full of chiasmus. Asking questions that can't necessarily be answered.
mmm - reepeeat
so f'n poetic. drops like this are crazy inspirational, the slower steady flow is powerful. Also, the beat isnt overpowering either - which makes a big difference in worded leaps like this, it is a perfect beat imo for this - amazin man, def sensin the Real feel in this piece.
Great job is puttin it mildly,
Thanks so much Phrozen! Great job on your recent battle btw!
Love that upright bass bro. Can't wait to hear the finished version. Much different than your more "dark" tracks. I like the fell on this. Makes me want to just get on the road and drive down the street in the middle of the night.
5.00 / 5.00 (unchanged)
This isn't the finished version? D:
(gets paranoid "OH NOES WHAT DID I DO WRONG??)
I've been more intrigued by your beat than ya swag rap. The beat is so smooth, the cat's ass is envious. The change-up with the piano and drums is breezy. Mos def the simple beat gives your lyrics more essence, the brain can eat this up all day! There's a very atmospheric tone to this track, but with those hazardous gases. Can't wait for the clean up!
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.