Too much of a pretty good thing
I don't mind what you've got here, it's essentially pretty good. But it takes waaaaaaaaaay too long to get anywhere. 8 measures (at the beginning exactly, it picks up a bit after that I think) of exactly the same thing is too much. No change in volume, no changes period. To be brutally blunt, my first inclination at about :20 seconds is to go "wtf," assume you're not capable of coming up with anything other than 1 measure repeated ad naseum, leave a crappy vote, and move on with my life. Get somewhere away from where you actually wrote this, and listen back to it as objectively as you can. It's pretty darn repetitive.
But it's not bad. Take what you have, limit yourself to no more than say, 4 measures of repetition (honestly I'd try to go no more than 2 measures without at least some slight variation), and try again. I have an inkling from what's here that you can do better than this.