It's a good track, but I have a suggestion...
First of all, the music is very clean. It sounds very professional, like something straight out of a movie.
Secondly, your voice isn't all that bad. It fits the track pretty well. I don't mind it.
The lyrics are pretty damn good by themselves. A bit carbon copy, but that's not a bad thing for this type of song.
My only complaint is this- why did you edit your voice? It would have flowed a lot better without effects. The distortion and echo overpower everything else and make it a kind of hard to listen to. I would seriously tone the effects down a bit. Leave SOME echo in for dramatic effect, but don't let the vocal distortion overpower the actual voice.
All in all, a decent effort. 8/10, 4/5
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.