It has promise
I liked some of your lyrics. There were some nice rhymes not just at the end of the lines, but rhymes within lines which shows a real ability to create poetry. The only problem was your lyrics sometimes simply did not fit with the rhythm of the lines. Sometimes it was deliberately intentional, making the lyrics break with the pattern in order to draw attention to what you're saying. Other times it just didn't fit. It sounded like you were trying to cram too many syllables in.
Furthermore, the timing is off at some points. You slightly miss lines which need to come in a bit faster. It throws it off a bit.
Also, on the chorus, get someone who can sing. Whoever's rapping can rap pretty well, but they cannot sing. It just sounds like a bad evening at a karaoke bar.
It shows promise, don't get me wrong. Not really my cup of tea genre-wise. But it needs some work done to it.
GenWorldTV 
