Constuctive Criticism

First of all, be original. Don't copy others music. Now, not that I am saying you did, I am just saying. Second, start out with a little bit of bass or synth-like sounds. Then go into the main/pre-verse with a little more sound, then the main verse with the ideal level of sound, maybe have 4 or 5 instruments working together. Make sure the sounds blend together at times, and make sure to have harmonious sections as well. You also want to have a steady and constant rhythm or bass line that is unique to each section. Follow it up with a section that would only be heard once, like a solo, just with more than one or two instruments. You want your music to sound like you put a LOT of time into it, even if you didn't. This sounds like you probably spent maybe around 30 minutes or something making it. Some other music I have heard sounds like the artist took months working on and perfecting it. Hope this helps. And remember, be original