You've got a nice sounds there, paired with a nice melody. Try not to phase the sounds in and out so frequently. I'd say, just have a 16 bar build up, then drop in the bass and drums, then continue from there.
You could make a good full length track out of this.
Can't really say much about this (because it's 30 seconds long and uses only 2 sounds). So in that case 8/10 4/5 Good job. Message me if you ever get around to finishing this ;)
Thank you very much for the constructive criticism, This is exactly the kind of stuff I was looking for with comments. I actually noticed that the phasing doesn't quite sound right, so I'll be changing that in the full song. Thanks again for the comment and the good rankings ^_^