I just think it's way too much ... Newbie'ish. Like if you are new to making songs, you are on a good way, but you need much more training... Keep up the good work and don't turn into one of those wannabe-awesome thirteen year-olds... I know this is only a piece, but the variety and the totality of the pice were just too... Dull.
Great work so far
Looking forward to when it's finished
Thanks! :D Its finished, its at http://toxickitten.bandcamp.com