You really should add the piano
This trak has a very nice atmospheric feel to it. Though I feel it is us a loop over and over again. There's not much intresting happening, which is terrible.
I listened to both your versions. The piano really adds just the right thing. But you played it way off. Your timing is terrible. I don't know if you recorded it with audio or midi. Try fixing the timing by warping your audio/editing the midi signal or try re-recording it. The piano is really neccessary, but it has to be recorded well for it to work.
Overall, try making it more interesting.
Oh, btw. I don't think this is DnB. It's more ambient I think :)
I've recorded the piano by hiting the keyboard.
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.