That was very good for being a first draft! now,there were somethings (like the longa the first time at :55) that could be background and give the "melody"(the synths) a chance to slide down to their note and be heard,like flipping the dynamics. you should change the snare to a rimknock too,since a rim knock is more "taking you back" kind of feel than a snare can do. also,some parts of the song are either too loud or too soft. for this being a draft,its good,both harmonically and rhythmically,but you still have a long ways to go till you finish this piece. i can't wait to hear the finished version!
There will never be an edited version. My laptop got stolen. FML and all that noise.