Well, it sounds like you have a good idea for a melody, but to me, your instruments do not do it service. The horns/guitar sound kind of spill over top of each other, and it just sounds more like a landslide than a tune. Also, the intermittent melody and lack of bass instrument allow the song to slack during the bridge. That's a nice lick at the tail, however.
Your drum roll is good. That's all good. But the rest of the piece needs time to catch up, I guess. It just isn't there yet.
I noticed that you had been hit with a 0 pretty hard, and I didn't think that was fair. Your work isn't horrible. It's good, but not fully bloomed. You are definitely better than a lot of the work that has a score on this site. Keep on keeping on, and do not let bombers get to you.
P.S. I dig your prose.