Your mic is pretty solid quality, and your voice is too. The only thing I thought was really snagging you here was just your reading of the lines, you were kinda getting lost in the words. Which is what happens when you record it a thousand times, get tired, and then record it a thousand more times anyway.
You have a nice voice though, my only other gripe is that this submission seemed a little quiet. If you use Audacity, there's this little effect called "Amplify" which can pretty much just boost the volume of your recording. Not like I'm an expert, but that's my take on it.
one of my friends did this for an audition at school. I like your voice, but it felt strange O.o... You hit some rough patches while doing it, but i'm happy to have gotten to listen to it. thank you ^-^