it sounds like it has potential

like what flaski said, try usin a limiter. A limiter helps balance the sound to prevent clippin or distortion. If its ur first time usin a program, go to youtube and look up the music program ur workin with,(much faster than askin the jackasses at the forums anyways,lol). the rest is usaully the level of music skill the person haves to make a song (improvising,chords, arpeggio's,etc) There not needed, but it helps out when ur stuck on something and in alot of cases, help progress through makin a song. hoped this helped out, and can't wait to hear the rest. =)

hmm

maybe just play around till you make something you like? oh, and use a limiter so the sound doesn't clip so bad.