I agree with knightlight87
Your initial inflections weren't failures at all, but you need to add some variety of voices to it. Just try bending your voice a bit, you could make it raspy, or low, or squeaky. Just play around a bit, try to improv a scene off the top of your head. That's what I do. (Probably 'cause I don't have any scripts, and I'm mostly just havin' fun rather than being serious.)
Thanks! I'm actually recording this FOR knightlight87, and he gave me a script for a scene.
So I'll take your advice and just have fun with it.
I'm just waiting until I'm alone in my house so I can record in peace. :/
switch it up
dude, you shouldav tried saying it in more than one voice.
instead of putting so much emphasis on inflections, work more on mimicking different voices. that's half of what voice acting is all about.