hey mate good try with this song. I can i think see what you where trying to achieve but it sounds unfinished. There are two ways i think this song could go. 1) is if you chose a solid drum beat, bass and little less steal kit. 2) i see that there doesnt seem to be a consistent tempo in this song, if you were to make a lot of 'violent' rough kind of cuts to the song and end and start each cut with a high or low note it would sound quite good. A good example is 'Intense daemonic attacks - venetian snares. good work mate
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.