For the most part...
I have to give you a 5 for effort, especially since I see in your author's comments that you've tried to fix the issue with the bass.
I would have enjoyed it more if that issue was fixed... I got a lot of warbling noise (and it was just that, noise) as I listened. As if the bass itself were trying to reach through the speakers and strangle me with a cordless phone.
I do like your effort and you seem to have a lot of potential. I'm going to take a look at anything else you may have submitted. =D I would have listened to more of your piece if some parts of it were not making attempts to maim my eardrums.
Hold the bass notes more
... i feel like some of those ending bass notes could have been help and it would have been sick... and your bass is just barely missing the lower frequencies... i think is cuss its so filthy lol, which is a good thing....