Being an amateur industrial musician myself I have to say pretty much all of your works are good, especially this one :) like a mix of Kraftwerk's the telephone call and Throbbing Gristle/Blackhouse.
I didn`t like the beginning or the end maybe you should make them shorter.
Once I record the vocals, it will seem less like that.
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.