A Good Place To Start From
Melody is good, and the instruments were balanced well. However, before we can call this your masterpiece, you'll need to fix those vocals, a better microphone or a filter would be ideal, as I can hear you huffing and chuffing into that microphone. You may also need to sing louder, just to get the full effect of your voice, then you can balance the audio to fit the volume you're looking for.
thnak you. we where useing second hand stuff cuz its really hard to find anything good in centeral china.