It's okay for a first song, though you have much to improve on.
Off the bat, I would say work on EQ. It's good to have a song loud, but it's better if a song is loud AND sounds good.
I felt the beginning was too slow. Doesn't get you into the song y'know? In fact, I thought the whole song was just slow and choppy. I would like to hear a song that flows smoothly throughout.
For a first song, it's not all bad.
Dude thanks for the review, I will work on that, did you checked out my other songs? Ok, i see you did.