So much to play with...
Industrial is probably one of my favorite (albeit least-listened to) genres. It gives you a lot of freedom to explore, in my personal view, "living mechanics". The way I see it, industrial is literally what robots would listen to, were they sentient, living, breathing beings. With that said, this song, from my opinion, embodies that very gritty, cold, mechanical, but so very emotional standpoint. Robots are awesome, and putting robots to music makes something very graceful and horrifyingly wonderful in it's own sense.
Though you say it gets noisy at the end (and was your purpose), i think it was something of a miss. It filled up too much "sonic space", so to speak. It was very full, which kinda threw off the rest of the song, which (from my standpoint) is somewhat more hollow, which i liked in the song. I think if you had given everything a bit more distinction, it would have given a more hollow (and all the more embodying) feel of this piece.
Short version: Overall, it was a well-oiled piece of music that flowed with the right amount of ambiance and space, though the ending filled up that ambiance - which, from one standpoint, could be a good thing. Didn't work so much for me, but there's nothing wrong with it.
Hopefully this helped some. I feel like i rambled/raved a bit more than actually constructively contributed.