Well first of all, the instruments are all very whiny sounding.
Now, the chords that you strike, they aren't very full. They sound fairly weak to me, and not very dramatic.
Now, I do like the organ, that's a nice touch!
However, the rhythm sounds, well, sqaure. If you used more interesting rhythms, which unfortunately are hard to tell you via type, like maybe have the pick ups play the chord before the chord (I don't think that made any sense...). :\
Now I can say that you are headed in the right direction. Maybe you could add some woodwind instruments, that would help. Oh, and have brass sustain the chord, that would be nice too. I really think you could make those chords fuller, I really do.
You can do it!!!!