Review Request Club
Feels quite dramatic at the start; the bassier drums felt quite soft at the start, but that's not very detrimental. Though in general, I think this could have used more bass. Even just a simple, sustained low note on the double bass or something, just to give it some real depth. Because you've got a nice soundscape here, but everything's kind of in the middle frequencies and quite distant, so a solid bassline (or even some deeper drums, like the ones at the start and the ones that come in at 1:54) would really help give it more grounding.
You portray the emotion quite well, but I think the melody line could have been brought out more of the texture, perhaps emphasising the feeling of solitary you already sort of get from the flute, and more than tht, give the listener something to focus on. You could definitely also think of having a second lead instrument play a harmony behind the flute, just to thicken out that lead texture a little more.
In general, this is very nicely written. Quite slow moving; I think you could have played more with the dynamics or keys just to keep it as dramatic as it starts, but I think you hit the emotions quite well, so nicely done.
-Review Request Club
Thank you ! I am trying to gather all the suggestions I've received and use them to make a new song (a really long one too), so thank you very much for the detailed review, it helps a lot.
I am the canvas...
...and you are the painter. It paints an atmosphere in my mind and makes me think.
-It's great when a song can put images in your head and make you think just a little. It gives it more depth than the actual audio. It's very serious yet warm at the same time.
-It progressed slowly in my opinion though and would of benefited from being sped up just a tad for dramatic effect.
-Review Request Club
Thank you for the review, I really appreciate it ! I am happy you think I managed to obtain such a powerfull effect.
A bit weak
Now, for starters, I love the soundscape you painted here, like very moody, atmospheric, warm and lonely. The lament isn't as perfectly expressed as I'd like it to be, but it conveys the concept of one fair enough. The looming strings on the lower end attempting to substitute a bass instrument, the flutes on the higher end carrying the song and creating a melody screaming out a message of sadness and loneliness, coupled by what is apparently a choir, which further permeates the lamentation in this song. Great instruments used as is and the mixing done was great.
However, the song does have its faults. One of them being how it felt a bit "hollow". For starters, I didn't hear a good kick or a definitive bassline. You probably did that intentionally and my earplugs are probably not picking up the full force of the bass you had, but still, I didn't get a lot of bass. Plus this song was so hollow, you had perfect room for another melody, and if it were a bass melody, this song would have been so much better. Flute playing the role of being lost and lamentation, while the bass echoes happiness in the lower register, something like that.
Anywho, good song, you got the concept done nicely and the melodies and harmony was superb, just a bit weak, mundane and generally didn't traverse the soundscape you had set out to make well enough. Could've used more dynamics, if you ask me. And you are, how hilarious :P
I like it.
Thank you ! Very helpful, since I intend on revisiting some of these ideas, so I needed all the feedback I could get. Again, thank you, I really appreciate it.
You have something in this song, and if I'm correct, you have some sound libraries from Eastwest now, no? So you'll be able to pull a really powerful piece if you put your back into it.
Now. Into the piece. You have a good premise, it's true, the sound isn't brilliant, but I can hear what you're up for.
First and foremost point I noticed immediately. You need more dynamic contrast. I'm sure you are familiar with the concept of normalisation. Anything sufficiently repeated becomes normal, and uninteresting. You may walk into a new land and stare at all the new exotic things, but stay there a few months, and you'll cease to be amazed. This concept applies everywhere.
Without sufficient contrast, anything will become mundane and boring after a time. Light does not exist without shadow, or the potential for shadow, love without the potential or reality of hate, beauty without ugliness, softness without hardness, kindness without cruelty. Each of those opposites is, in a sense, DEFINED by its counter. If a world had no ugliness, it would have no beauty, as there would be nothing to compare it to. Kindness without cruelty would simply become a normal attitude, and the common themes we attach to it would be meaningless.
The same with this piece. To properly portray sadness, you must contrast it. And I don't mean sudden happy/sad fluctuations. It's a bit more complicated then that.
Consider poignancy. We can say a movie is sad. And we may not necessarily be affected. But if it was a touch of sadness and a touch of happiness; in other words, POIGNANT, it gains a whole new amount of meaning.
Remember what it is that sits behind the word, lament. The definition:
"A song or hymn of mourning composed or performed as a memorial to a dead person."
"A cry of sorrow and grief."
"A mournful poem; a lament for the dead."
Question. Why does someone lament? Because they are mourning the happiness that they have lost. They are contrasting the happiness and the sadness. The grief is brought about because happiness and connection existed at some point. They are lamenting because the whatever was lost meant something to them deeply.
Try to convey this. Convey the sense of happiness or meaning past, and the grief of it lost. Contrast the heavy deep pain (bass vocals, drums, bass strings etc) to the higher, lighter more wistful memories (flutes, higher strings, altos, etc). Carry the thread of memory and loss intertwined, joy and sadness.
Also remember to control the tempo of the piece. Some parts slow, some fast. Create contrast. Powerful, quiet. Ringing agony, sighing memory. Sweeping pain, huddled regret.
Life is our muse. Call upon her observe, consider, construct, deconstruct. Examine in great thought the mysteries behind what it is you want to convey. UNDERSTAND it.
If it doesn't make you feel, then how can you expect us to feel. If you leave it for a week or two, and it strikes you to the core, then it might with us. But remember, you have built a strong emotional attachment because you built it. Listening will invoke that attachment, so you aren't an impartial observer. Ask someone you trust how it affects them.
The power of those pieces of art that are truly poignant and beautifully sad is in their ability to contrast the element that they are portraying. Their ability to summon it in all it's glory and power.
Good luck with your project. I know this isn't really a shred of the song itself, more of a consideration of what should be going on behind the actual production of the song. I hope it's helpful in some way.
Thank you ! It is very usefull. I greatly appreciate the review and advices. I especially find the ideas regarding contrast to be extremely useful. Again, thank you !
Just one thing though, the snare seems to start dying out at around 1:00
Also, maybe add some drum rolls to give it more of a "War Lament" sound
Other than that, really good arrangement, maybe add something an instrument like the flute with the choir segment to add a better effect.
The title seems to suit the song, so I'd say stick with that.
To help you find your lost items, I have a question: Are your saved files just a bunch of random numbers... like "01-100210_0038.wav"? Or does it have a title? If it has a title, why not just use the search?
Hope I helped!
Oh hey, could you return the favor and review my latest song? It would be appreciated.
Thank you ! The problem with the file (the .flp source file) is that I used to work multiple songs in just one file, and this song is probably either stashed in a file with a misleading title, or was simply buthcered and retitled as I started working on a new song. Nowadays I'm a lot more careful about my work files. At least I was smart enough to keep the .mp3s
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