for your first attempt i guess its good. needs to be broken up correctly and takes a long time for it to start. but for your first its good.
good tho, you just have to pick up the pace a little and start cut the intro 3/5 7/10
The melody you chose is kinda played out, it was used by Brotha Lynch Hung - 24 Deep, Dre Dog - Smoke Dope And Rap, Andre Nikatina - Scotty 15, and Jadakiss - Show Discipline. check them out you'll get an idea of how to use this melody.