Keep the voice quality low, improve guitar quality and volume, and try to get rid of the slight hint of nasals in the voice. You could also add a stronger melody. Try to hold out the words longer too. Great I think. The low quality adds something to the voice.
This is a really good song. Just improve the quality and it will be a really great song.
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.