Half and half
I really liked it. I would call it Lol-worthy.
Great lyrics and music is okay but you need to sing it differently.
You need someone else.
You sound like you're so nervous you're about to cry. Nothing is wrong with the words, but you just can't sing 'em right. Sorry. D:
Funny, but not quite perfect
My only complaint is that your voice doesnt sound serious enough or that the music itself just doesnt support your voice properly. Also not sure if this really can be considered Hip Hop after listening through it, but more of a light rap.
Please contact me if you would like to use this in a project. We can discuss the details.